Lesson #93

Is hate a bad word?

This is something I have really been struggling with. It really strikes a nerve when I hear my kids say that they hate something. They luckily do not say this pointed phrase toward people, but it still really bothers me. I have really tried to correct them when they passionately yell that they hate a certain cereal or that they hate cleaning their rooms. I am not sure how effective I am at preventing this word from coming out of their mouths.

Today, on the way to the zoo, my 2 1/2 year old exclaimed "I hate the sun! It is in my eyes."

I had never heard him use the word until this point and it really bothered me. I asked him not to say "hate" but he repeated it a few more times.

I think the biggest issue I struggle with is the fact that this is something I have said for years. It is such a dramatic word and I am 100% guilty of using it at ridiculous times.

"I hate going to the dentist."

"I hate milk."

"I hate sitting in traffic."

"I hate folding laundry."

"I hate unloading the dishwasher."

My husband has given me a hard time about my use of this word since long before we were ever married. I didn't really see anything wrong with it at the time. But now that I have young kids, it really bothers me to hear them say it.

So, is "hate" right up there with the standard four letter words? I am not sure. I definitely try to treat it that way when I hear the kids say it. I still catch myself using it from time to time and really need to try harder to eliminate it all together.

Lesson #92

Take one for the team

Having siblings is definitely a plus in this family. As much as they can fight and bicker, my kiddos are generally happy that they have built-in playmates.

Today we headed for the park just to burn off some steam and enjoy the last days of this summer break. Nothing super exciting but the kids were happy to be at a park we don't frequent very often. Max quickly sought out the oldest kids at the park, happy to make friends for the morning. Zoey was off climbing and swinging while Miles hit the twisty slide repeatedly.

A girl around the age of five sought Miles out for a game of tag. I am not exactly sure why. She had been playing with a boy that looked to be around age four. She asked Miles to play a few times, perhaps because she knew she could always manage to tag him if the other kid was too fast. Miles was happy to oblige. Unfortunately for her, Miles has no idea how to play tag. She would tag him and he would just laugh. Rather than chase her or the other boy, Miles would just say, "Tag. You are it," without any physical contact.

This got old pretty fast for the little girl.

Enter Max; big brother extraordinaire! "Here Miles, tag me."

Miles was happy to tap his older brother who then immediately raced after the little girl. The game was on! It essentially became a tag team match for the rest of the morning. Miles was thrilled and Max was happy to take on for the team, getting tagged and exacting revenge on the other players!

Lesson #91

You are never too young to meditate

We are not exactly what you call a "Zen" family. We all have a certain intensity that never seems to fade. Energy levels for the kids are often maxed out and our general chill factor is pretty nonexistent. This is great in some ways but it is also a bit exhausting as parents. I wouldn't change a thing about my kids but I would be lying if I said that the rare moments of quiet don't happen often enough.

We are blazing through what I like to call "mommy camp" this week. I have been trying to plan fun outings for the kids leading up to the end of summer. We hit up the Botanical Gardens to enjoy the beautiful weather, feed the large coy fish and play in the children's garden. You could say keeping five kids on task, between two adults, was a bit challenging. "Stay on the path. Don't pick the Flowers. Stay out of the water. Keep your hands to yourselves. Don't throw rocks in the fountains. Stop stepping on the sprinkler. No tackling. No playing tag. Watch out for the other visitors trying to enjoy the gardens."

As we wound our way back to the children's garden, the kids took a quick pause for a rest. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw Max assume his meditative pose. I was impressed! In the company of some avid meditating friends, I asked my little man where he learned that pose. "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. "

Well, at least he was learning something! Max's buddy and Zoey joined in for what ended up being the most chill part of the entire day. We take what we can get right?

Lesson #90

An education of poop

It still amazes me with my third child how fascinating mundane things can be. It is also interesting how different kids at the same age can be intrigued by such different things. Unless I am not remembering accurately, my oldest two kids never really had a curiosity in their own defecation. They pretty much just did their business and went about more interesting things.

It took a while for Miles to actually stop using his underwear for a toilet. But ever since he got over the fear of pooping into a big white basin, he has developed quite a fascination with his own poop. Not only does he love looking at it, he likes analyzing it.

It all started with the fact that the toilet paper would cover up the poop. "It is getting in my way," he would exclaim.

Apparently, Miles needed to be able to see it go round and round as it flushed. Once I realized this, I had to reason with him that as it flushed, the paper would float off so he could get a better view of the action. I was just afraid he was going to reach in and move the toilet paper.

We moved on from the toilet paper being in the way to personalizing the poop.

"There is a baby poop."

"The baby poop wants his mommy."

"Where is the daddy poop?"

"The baby poop is getting his daddy and mommy."

"There is a ducky poop."

"The ducky poop is swimming. It is moving like the vacuum in the pool."

"I had a banana poop."

And that is all just what I have heard since yesterday morning. I can only imagine where things could go from here. Poop is just like a snowflake apparently. No two are the same.

Lesson #89

Everything is NOT awesome!

If there is one thing I never thought I would tire of hearing it would be the sweet sound of my daughter singing. I love to hear my sons hear as well but it is usually my sweet Zoey belting out her little songs from school in the car as we drive. Well, if there is one song I could go without hearing one more time for the rest of my life it would be "Everything is Awesome" from The Lego Movie. I mean, this song might possess the two most annoying lines of music ever! Or maybe it is just the way my kids scream the words at the top of their lungs in a seemingly purposeful, annoying way. UGH! I thought I might roll down the car window and climb out today. Bring on "Let it Go" every day for the rest of my life and I still think I would say that hearing "Everything is Awesome" one more time would be even worse.

Lesson #88

Gently push...don't shove

I like to think I know what is best for my kids. I try to make fair decisions. There are some things we must ask our kids to do out of safety or for their general well-being. But when it comes to things like extracurricular activities, it can be difficult to walk the line between encouragement and forcing them to do something.

I have always wanted our kids to learn a musical instrument. It is one thing I never did as a child and it is a huge regret of mine. I think it provides several benefits to kids and also think it can be really fun once they learn how to play. My husband plays guitar and sings so he has definitely been on the same page.

When the opportunity came around for Max to do a Rock-n-roll camp, we thought we had a slam dunk! Who wouldn't want to do this? Well, Max...that's who. He insisted that he had stage fright and did not want to do it. We backed off for a while, dropping subtle hints about the camp and how fun it would be to learn to play like his dad. Once Dad started up a band and began practicing in our house on Mondays, the idea of rock-n-roll camp became much more appealing. Max was pumped to do it.

We just finished two weeks of camp this week and this kid loved it! He not only learned how to play the guitar, keyboard and drums, he also learned how to read music. He liked it so much he came home and wrote out his own song and played it.

I am so glad we took the approach we did in gently hyping up all of the fun it would be. In the end, it was his choice but we definitely guided him in that direction. It was so great to see him almost cracking a smile during their performance. He still had a very serious look, but it was a far cry from the look of terror we witnessed when his class performed at the holiday concert just six months ago. We just might have a musician on our hands.

Lesson #87

Triumph over tantrums

If you are a parent that has never seen a tantrum from one of your kids, you are either lying or lucky! I used to be like you. My first son was challenging in many ways but not in the way of tantrum throwing. I felt lucky that I never had to leave a restaurant, ditch my cart at a grocery store or hang my head in shame at a birthday party. I had my share of embarrassing moments with my intense, high-energy, willful oldest son. I had seen plenty of tantrums but never had to deal with them...until I had a daughter.

I would say 90% of the time, Zoey is just a peach. She is sweet. She follows the rules. She never strays or runs away. She is very kind to other kids and loves getting positive reinforcement. But there are also occasions of utter meltdown if you really piss Zoey off.

Last night, I was doing one of my least favorite things, taking the kids out to eat by myself. This was coupled with the fact that I was going to have to bring Miles and Zoey to Max's hockey practice and chase them around a cold ice rink. Needless to say, I was not in the best of moods.

We rolled into Noodles, prepared to order a quick dinner and head to hockey. I had everyone's order ready and promised them they could choose white or chocolate milk as a treat. As I ordered at the counter, the kids perused the milk cooler, picking out their selection. I was a little distracted while ordering and failed to notice that Zoey was opening her own white milk as I talked. I knew she wanted chocolate but didn't notice her error. As she took her first sip, she started screaming bloody murder. "I didn't want plain milk! I hate this! Put it back! I want chocolate!"

This of course was not an option as she had already opened it. I told her she needed to go sit down and the tantrum only escalated. I had considered just grabbing a chocolate as she had just made a mistake in picking the wrong carton. But at that point, I couldn't very well give in to her fit. That would set the wrong precedent for all three of these kids. Instead, I sat in the restaurant with my screaming child, cringing as the employees and customers watched. It felt like forever, but she finally stopped. Once she did, I let her come to our table. She immediately asked if she could have Miles' milk. I told her she needed to ask for a few tastes. Shockingly, he obliged and ended up sharing almost half of his milk.

The night not get get much better overall from there...Miles ran into the kitchen, needed multiple trips to the potty and tried to run out into the parking lot. Not my best night in any way shape or form. But at least I did not let that tantrum win out. A small victory!

Lesson #86

Farts: My proud mom moment

I really detest the actual word, "fart." It is just one of those words that actually conjures up a sensory reaction from me. It must trigger my smell sensation in some way. At any rate, I just don't really like the word at all. For sure, there are far worse words in the urban dictionary. But I have more tolerance for most of the four-letter words.

Given the fact that I have two boys and one grown boy living in our home, it is inevitable that this word will float around, causing copious amounts of laughter for years to come. I don't allow this word to be said at our home. I ask that the kids say "toot" or "pas gas" if absolutely necessary.

Yesterday, my husband gave the priceless gift of potty knowledge to my six-year-old. In true dad fashion, he dropped a bomb on Max just as he was headed up to bed. I am not sure what compelled him to share this nugget of boy humor. Maybe he was trying to torture me or just bond in some weird guy way. Whatever the reason, he decided to introduce the term, "SBD" to Max.

Silent But Deadly

Without knowing what it meant, my sweet little boy was rolling with laughter. Upon explanation, "silent but deadly" grew even more giggles.

I looked at my husband and rolled my eyes. "Thanks for that," I stated.

Of course, not even 12 hours later, as he crawled into bed to wake us up, Max repeated his favorite new catch phrase. It was as if he had been waiting all night to use it. Not only did he use it liberally at our house that morning, he boasted the fact that he imparted this newly gained insight to his friends at camp later in the day. Not my proudest moment as a mom. But when I went to sign him out that afternoon, my embarrassment grew. His teacher informed me that Max explained his dad had taught him that at home. Now I am just glowing with pride!

Lesson #85

Don't pee in the dark

This is a lesson I really learned the hard way.

I am a very light sleeper. Once I am awakened in the night, it can be very difficult for me to fall back to sleep. With each newborn baby we brought home, I would try anything I could think of to limit my time awake during each night feeding. Now that we are well out of the baby stage, you would think that the middle of the night disruptions would have come to an end. Not in the case of my two boys.

On any given night, I am typically wakened by one or both of my boys between 1-4 times. Whether it is wetting the bed, needing a drink of water, hearing thunder or falling out of the bed, I am called out of my peaceful slumber to head upstairs and tend to some need.

After Miles cried out for water at 1:45, I got a nice stretch of sleep. But Max came down at 5:15 after wetting the bed. After getting his sheets changed, in the dark to try to prevent myself from fully waking up, I got back in bed. Alas, at 5:40, Miles was wandering the halls upstairs. He sought help in his older brother's room. Max then cam down urgently telling me that Miles needed to potty. I intercepted Miles and escorted him quickly into our little hall bathroom. In an attempt to keep us both in a sleepy haze, I left the lights off. I assisted him in standing to potty only to hear him say, "poop."

"Oh, you need to poop," I asked?

"No, I poopy already mommy," he replied.

And that he did. There was a great mess of poop all over the inside of his PJs and legs. That is what I get for attempting to salvage any hopes for a return to bed. At the risk of subjecting readers to the graphic nature of this bathroom visit, I'll just say that the cleanup was a two person job.

Lesson #84

Don't take it personally

I am definitely a people pleaser. It is just part of my personality. I have always possessed the need to be liked by others. To a certain extent, this can be a good thing. But this trait also has some major downfalls. For example, I tend to take things personally and can be very sensitive to the opinions of others.

As a mom, many of my personality traits have shifted to a degree. My perfectionistic nature has softened in the midst of messy kids, never ending laundry and an unending to-do list. My spontaneous streak, once non-existent, has really brightened. When it comes to my need for approval from others...I am still trying to adapt.

Kids can be harsh critics. They don't tend to hold anything back, especially very young kids. They won't hesitate to tell you that they "hate" the clothes you picked out or to disapprove of your artwork. As a passionate cook and baker, I have always taken pride in creating delicious dinners. The arrival of my three kids into the world has put a little bit of a snag into my meal planning. But I still strive to change up the menu, making tasty and nutritious meals.

After a long day of chasing kids, doing laundry, wiping butts and cleaning up, cooking takes my last bit of energy. Sometimes I flat out despise the thought of cooking. So when I manage to pull something together that I think tastes pretty great, there is nothing more defeating than harsh criticism from 3 out of 5 taste testers. "I no like this. This tastes terrible. I hate potatoes. Don't you know I can't eat this? This smells disgusting!"

You name it, I have heard it. Now, this doesn't happen every night. In fact, it probably happens less than half of the time. But when I am at the end of my rope, exhausted and hungry, nothing crushes the spirit like a negative review from my number one fans.

When I think about it logically, I know they aren't trying to hurt my feelings. They will one day appreciate all that I do for them and even want to come home from college just to eat my yummy meals. I try to keep this in mind as I watch my two-year-old spit out the labor of love I have put on his plate.

Lesson #83

Just add water

Toddlers are pretty simple creatures. Sure, all of the interactive toys, battery operated cars and talking robots serve their purpose. There are so many educational and fun options for entertainment. But when it comes down to it, toddlers don't need to much to entertain themselves.

Today, after a hectic morning of car troubles, I was happy to arrive at a friend's house for a low-key play date. She had the best set up! In addition to a wading pool filled with toys, she had an impressive hose with spray feature. I know, super high-tech gadgets! As far as the kids were concerned, nothing could have been better. They were so happy to splash, run and pour that the three adults managed to converse in full sentences about actual adult topics! I thought this might be a mythical kind of play date experience. I had heard about such occurrences, yet never really participated in one.

It ended up being the best morning! Some nice iced tea, a few healthy snacks and some wet kids. And all we needed to do was add the water!

Lesson #82

This kid is tough as nails!

Having a boy as our third child, I think we kind of expected that this kid would be naturally tough. His older brother is the definition of rough and tumble. And although his sister isn't exactly a bruiser, she dishes out her share of blows when feeling threatened or annoyed.

Miles has been a fighter from the start. Arriving into the world 7 weeks early, he had to overcome a few hurdles from the get go. Over the past 2 1/2 years, this little man has endured more injuries than Max and Zoey combined. He has broken a leg, gotten stitches and sported many a goose egg on his forehead. I am not sure if it is a result of being the third child or just his accident prone nature. He is definitely very daring and will try to do things his older siblings do well before he should be doing them.

Yesterday marked yet another milestone injury for our brave little guy. Outside saying goodbye to family friends, I didn't bother to throw a pair of shoes on the kids. We were just popping out and heading back in. Well, in the short three minutes we were outside, Miles managed to step on a huge nail sticking straight up out of a board. Apparently, Max had hammered it through last week and failed to tell me. Over an inch of nail was exposed so it was definitely a painful incident.

There was a lot of crying, many tears and more blood that I have ever seen come out of one of my kids. I eventually brought the bleeding to a stop and applied a band aid. He went to sleep shortly after so fortunately, it was forgotten for a while. He was a little tender-footed for the first few hours of the day today but was back to running by 11:00 am. Nothing is going to slow this kid down. I only wish I had his tolerance for pain!

Lesson #81

Be the mom you want them to remember

Every mom would love to be the "cool mom." Wouldn't it be great to be the mom that all of the kids rave about? The fun mom. They best mom ever. The mom that kids wants to actually hang out with in their free time. I would love to be all of those things to my kids. The reality is, however, that in order to be the best mom for my kids, I have to be the mean mom at times. The no fair mom. The mom that doesn't understand.

I don't live in a fantasy world so I know that there is a balance. When I really think about the kind of mom I want to be, I think about what I want my kids to remember of me when they are adults. It is not possible to be the best mom all of the time but I can live my life as a parent trying to keep that thought in the back of my mind.

When my kids are raising kids of their own, I want them to think about how I raised them. In short, I want to be a role model for my future adult children.

I want them to look back and remember all of the fun adventures we had, not the toys I bought.
I want them to remember splashing in mud puddles and getting filthy, me right alongside them.
I want them to remember us having dance parties on top of the picnic table, belting out the Rolling Stones.
I want them to remember feeding baby goats with bottles. Them climbing my legs in terror as I was bumrushed by the thirsty, filthy little goats.
I want them to remember us all screaming on Space Mountain as I closed my eyes and held on for dear life.
I want them to remember staying up late and licking marshmallow and chocolate off our fingers after making s'mores.
I want them to remember night swimming in lieu of a bath.
I want them to remember me reading book after book, stopping every 8 seconds to answer questions about the lineage of Snow White.
I want them to remember us rolling down the hill, dashing through sprinklers in the neighbor's yard.
I want them to remember eating birthday cake before dinner.
I want them to remember us chasing the ice cream truck down in our bare feet.
I want them to remember shaving cream parties in the back yard and water balloon fights.
I want them to remember shooting me with water guns.
I want them to remember our pirate attacks and princess rescue missions.
I want them to remember us dressing up like ninjas and ballerinas, building forts in the basement.
I want them to remember catching fireflies way past bed time.
I want them to remember us snuggling in my bed at 5:30 in the morning, watching cartoons on a Saturday morning.
I want them to remember me teaching them to ride their bikes.
I want them to remember me teaching them letters and numbers with sidewalk chalk.
I want them to remember me kissing away their scrapes and bruises and breaking up their fights. 

More than anything I want them to remember me as a mom that loved them every single day of their lives. A mom that never stopped loving them even on the days that I wanted to be alone, to hide in my room, to cry out of frustration, to need a time out.

Being a mom is my full-time job. I love the job but sometimes need a vacation day. I know that when my kids are grown or even at the age when mom is definitely not cool at all, I will absolutely miss these days. What I can do now, is live each day with purpose and strive to be the mom I always want them to remember.

Lesson #80

Worst of enemies and best of friends

I know from personal experience that sibling rivalry can get pretty messy. But I also know that these relationships, the longest many people will experience, are the best ones I have. I have a brother about 1 1/2 years my elder and a sister almost four years younger. Presently, I have extremely close and amazing bonds with them both. But I venture to guess that my parents might have a different tale to tell about our childhood days.

I always wanted to have my kids close together in age. I know this comes from my own experience as a kid and wanting my offspring to have siblings within a few years. My plan worked out just perfectly. The only problem is that the closeness in age is at times a detriment rather than an advantage.

Stuck in the middle of two spirited boys, Zoey often feels out of place and left out. She struggles to find her place between them, yearning to do all big brother does. She gets frustrated by the mere presence of her younger sibling. They bicker all day long and at times, things can get physical. But there are also those shining moments when they do something so heart warming, I almost forget about all of the rough spots.

Today, I went to Zoey's Perfectly Powerful Princess camp to watch their play. Max was down the hall at his School of Rock camp and popped in to watch. Zoey lit up when she saw him walk in. She couldn't hide her excitement as she waved frantically from the side of the stage. Max coyly smiled back and waved.

After the performance was over, I asked Max how he was able to get out of his camp to come watch. He told me he had the choice to come watch their show or to have his face painted like a rock star. Anyone that knows my son knows that he loves nothing more than a good piece of face art. I was so touched by his gesture to come support his little sister. But even more important was how much it mean to Zoey.

Lesson #79

I'm not the only coach on this team

As a full-time stay at home mom, I recognize my role as the head cook, caregiver, camp counselor, referee and teacher. I take this job seriously as it is the most challenging and rewarding career I have ever held. There are many roles to play and lots of juggling to do. My husband is amazing and is a great father and provider. I am lucky to have his support. But the demands of his job often prevent him from helping out with things at home. Evening dinners and meetings tend to interfere with my plans for shuttling the kids around to their various sports.

Anyone who knows me well is aware of my dislike for dragging all three kids to hockey practice. It is great fun for Max but less than entertaining for his younger siblings. Despite the cold of the rink, I am usually sweating by the time Max is all suited up for his practice. I am usually running from tying laces to grab Miles before he runs out of the door or picks up someone's stick to whack an unassuming bystander. Beyond getting ready for practice, there is the exhausting attempts at keeping Miles and Zoey busy until it is over. Snacks and electronics only go so far and I really hate resorting to having them watch videos the entire time.

Tonight was going to be one of those nights that I dread. Josh has a work dinner, same as last night. I have been thinking about getting past this night all week! But to my surprise, today at lunch, my whole mood lifted with a few simple words. "I can take Max to hockey tonight. I will just be a little late to my meeting. I don't care."

You would have thought my husband just told me we were going on a vacation or something. I was elated! My face lit up and I could not stop thanking him. I told him, "I owe you!"

But as soon as the words came out of my mouth, he reminded me. "We are on a team. It is no big deal."

How do I fail to see this sometimes? I get to used to adapting to his schedule that I often forget to ask for help with these tings. We ARE on a team. I don't need to feel indebted to my spouse for taking our child to hockey practice. It was such a good feeling.

Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful for his offer to go late to the meeting. I told him that this announcement made my whole week! But more importantly was the recognition of all that I do and him reminding me that I am not ever in this parenting alone.

Lesson #78

Don't assume the worst

I am definitely my kids' biggest fan. I like to cheer them on and take the approach of "catch them doing good." It can be so easy tp harp on all of the things they are doing wrong throughout the day because I like to correct negative behavior right as it is happening. Therefore, offering praise every time I find the opportunity tends to offset all of the corrections I have to make on any given day. I try not to be critical but some days it is harder than others to find the good in all of the tantrums, fights and back talk.

Yesterday, I felt like all I did was repeat myself without results. Getting out the door in time for camp was a stretch and I felt exhausted by the time my butt his the car seat. I felt defeated and frustrated by all three of my kids. I was still a little uneasy from my encounter with Max's camp instructor from the day before. Her first interaction with him included his illustration of machine guns. Not the best first impression to make.

When I went to pick him up at the end of the morning session, I was a little anxious to hear how the day went. I know Max is a sweet, intelligent boy. But I also know his precocious nature and argumentative personality is not well received. I asked him how his day went and his sheepish smile immediately sent up red flags. I asked him if anything happened and he looked down telling me, "no."

I immediately jumped to the conclusion that his behavior wasn't up to par. I asked him to walk over to the teacher to sign him out. I braced myself for what she might say. I asked how the day went and she said, "Max is such a sweet boy."

Max's mouth turned up slightly with her compliment. She went on to tell me about his affinity for abstract thought and a conversation they had. She was so impressed by the way his mind was processing information in the context of a metaphor he shared. I felt so proud and so upset with myself at the same time. Here I was expecting bad news when all she had to offer was praise. It taught me to try to be more positive and to give my kids more credit than I do at times.

Lesson #77
Swapping guns for guitars

As the mother of two young boys, I face a dilemma that I am sure a lot of moms face. How do we raise children in this violent society? Everywhere you turn there are stories of shootings, war and destruction. Many toys and games capitalize on violence, making it exciting and appealing to children.

When I was a kid, I vividly remember not being allowed to have a variety of toys in our house. As a girl, that focus was on Barbie and for my brother, G.I. Joe and guns. (The Barbie boycott is a whole other issue. Maybe I will address that in a separate post.)

I recall my parents actively avoiding any violent toys and shows on television. We definitely felt slighted as kids but as an adult, I totally appreciate their goal. Now that I have three kids of my own, I want to mirror the same intentions of my own parents. It seems this challenge is even greater now with access kids have via Youtube, video games, etc.

Even since my six-year-old was born, I swore we would not have toy guns in our house. We did not allow him to watch television other than Disney Jr. and PBS for several years. But as he got older, this became increasingly difficult. Ignorance was bliss. He did not know what he was missing. But it all went to hell when he got his first toy gun as a gift. Even with that, I eventually got rid of it secretly and he forgot. But now that he is six, he is relentless! He wants to save his money to buy Nerf guns, ninja paraphernalia, and weapons in general.

We have collected a few violent toys over the past year, despite my feeble protests. It is completely my fault for not sticking to my guns so to speak. I have let my kids take advantage of me and have given into their requests and relentless begging. I take full responsibility. But how do I back track from here? I want to purge the house from all of this crap but I know there is a high price.

Max just started a new camp this week called School of Rock. He was a little hesitant because he was nervous about performing in front of others. But he has really been thriving in the camp. The first day, during free time, he drew a few pictures. They were really quite good except for one small problem. One of them seemed to depict two men shooting each other with machine guns. The teacher pulled me aside and explained that this is not allowed. I was embarrassed. I wanted to pretend that we do not in any way allow for that in our house but I knew I would be lying in front of my kid. This really started me thinking about how to cut out some of the violent influence in our house.

Today after camp, the teacher was telling me how well he is doing and how he has a natural talent for music. At lunch, I asked Max which was cooler, guitars or guns. To my surprise, he said guns. I see there is hope for my cause yet! If only we can swap out the weapons for music. I am cautiously optimistic!

Lesson #76

Break the rules sometimes

I have not always been a rule follower but I am one to set a lot of rules for my kids. Call me a hypocrite, but I like to think of it as learning from my mistakes. I think my kids do best with structure and it allows me to feel some sense of sanity to have rules. That being said, my personality definitely dictates my need for fun.

Over the weekend, we had a lot going on. In addition to my birthday, soccer and a get together celebration at a friend's house, we had a lot of good family time. It was definitely a departure from the usual structure and schedule.

Looking back on all of the fun we had, I think the best parts were the times that we were breaking some rules. We ate birthday cake immediately before dinner on Saturday and none of the kids saw a bathtub in over 48 hours. We watched the World Cup game from lawn chairs submerged in the swimming pool and I am pretty sure none of the kids brushed their teeth on Sunday.

Today is Monday and nobody seems to be suffering any fallout from the rule breaking. We are back on track with the routine of the summer and trying to be good little rule followers. I am sure we will be breaking all of the rules again soon!

Lesson #75

There is no cure for boy fever!

I knew pretty early on that Zoey was going to be a girlie girl. She loves to dress up, have her hair and makeup done and is all about being a princess. Despite her love for all things frilly and fancy, there is one thing she loves above anything girlie. This little lady loves her boys!

Zoey has more than one crush and she isn't afraid to show it. Cheering for her "lovey" as he plays soccer, Zoey is proud to show her affection. She talks non-stop about getting married and how her name will change depending on which boy she chooses. This girl does not know the definition of hard to get.

Yesterday as we were driving home from watching her brother's soccer game, Zo really threw me for a loop. After meeting a new boy and running around for an hour together, she was smitten. Out of nowhere, Zoey asks me, "I know lips are for kissing but what else?"

How do you even answer that question? I was of course able to list a number of other uses for lips but I was more concerned about the fact that she was thinking of kissing as the primary function of lips! Ugh! We have a long road ahead. Still nine years away from becoming a teenager, I am really going to nee to get creative in finding ways to extinguish this boy fever!

Lesson #74

Don't trust a two-year-old with a secret

This summer has really taken a toll on me and it is only July! Yesterday was my birthday and it fell at the end of a very long and exhausting week. With each day that went by, I found myself dragging into the next. I was really looking forward to the weekend and a fun night out with friends to celebrate. I decided to cash in my Mother's Day gift of a morning at the spa. I arrived at 8:00 am and was subjected to four solid hours of total pampering and relaxation. I might have to say it was four of the best hours of my life!

I met up with Josh and the kids after for a birthday lunch. I was so relaxed and happy to see them all. Miles came running toward me with a big smile. The first words out of his mouth were, "Mama. We made you a birthday cake."

There went the big surprise! (Josh had taken the kids shopping for the ingredients and let them pick out their own frosting color. They all worked together to make the cake, even busing out the Kitchen Aid! This was a first for Josh despite the fact that we got it as a wedding gift ten years ago.)

I tried to ignore the comment from Miles, not wanting the other kids to know he had leaked the big surprise. He just kept repeating it! Max and Zoey tried to distract me by telling me that they made something out of bacon. That must be what Miles is talking about.

In addition to the sweet birthday cake, they all worked together to make a banner and decorations.

All in all, it ended up being the best ruined surprise I have ever received.

Lesson #73

They might be ungrateful but at least they are generous

Over the past several months, I have really been struggling with how to raise grateful children. I feel like my oldest two are really at the age where they can understand the concept yet seem to be missing it. I don't feel like they are spoiled but they still possess a certain sense of entitlement when it comes to getting what they want.

This week, Max decided he wanted to use some of his money that he earned folding his laundry and cleaning his room. He looked up a variety of Nerf guns and picked one he really wanted. After an excruciating 48 hours, the toy arrived. Unfortunately, it failed to impress. The defective dart shooter ended up causing an equal amount of frustration for my six-year-old and myself. We decided to send it back. I gave Max the option of ordering something else and waiting or going to Target the next day and picking from what they had. He of course could not tolerate the thought of 48 more hours so we decided on Target. He had already looked up a few options and was counting out $16.44 to pay for the toy. In addition, he counted out another $16.44 for his brother. I was floored! He wanted Miles to have a gun also but knows he is not old enough to earn his own money. I assured Max that I could cover the cost of his brother's Nerf gun so that he could keep saving his money. Max was nothing short of insistent. I didn't have the heart to use his money so I put the additional funds aside to give back down the road.

I'm not giving up on my quest to raise grateful children. It is something I know that I will have to work hard to do. But generosity is right up there on my list of must have qualities. At least I know I am on the right road with this one!

Lesson #72

It is hard to stay angry at a two-year-old for long

Miles is really good at pushing my buttons. For a two-year-old, he is learning pretty quickly to test every limit. Our latest challenge is the transition from crib to toddler bed. We probably should have abandoned the crib months ago but I was grasping to every inch of control I still had over my youngest. He is in every sense of the word, a daredevil. This kid is scared of nothing and is a terrible rule follower. Once he started climbing out of his crib, I knew that it was all over.

We just made the switch last night. After two nights in a row of him getting up at 4:30, roaming the halls unsupervised, I knew we had to surrender. I am still working on how to convince him not to get out of his bed. In the mean time, it is a lot of walking him back to bad, making him promise he will not get out again.

After two returns at the start of nap time today, I found this child standing on the stairs with a mischievous smile, stretching out a slinky. He looked at me with a sheepish grin as I told him he could not get up again. "Okay," he said as he walked back up the stairs.

As hard as I try to be furious, I have to hide my smile at how cute he is. And lucky for him he is so cute. I might have given him away months ago!

Lesson #71

They really do grow up too fast

This summer has tested me in a lot of ways. In addition to juggling summer camps, sports, swimming lessons, play dates and vacations, I am trying to allow for plenty of free play for the kids. They all get a little stir crazy if we have too much time at hoe so I try hard to balance that all out. But the hectic nature of the summer coupled with more together time than they kids are accustomed to, has resulted in many a stressful day for me. In all honesty, a day doesn't go by that I fantasize about the first week of school for Max and Zoey this fall.

Yesterday, I took the kids to a favorite local kids museum. This place is a lot of fun for them but often very hard for me. There are certain areas for toddlers and other areas that are for bigger kids. This makes it challenging to please them all at once and to be safe, keeping everyone in sight. I took Zoey and Max over to the big bounce house and was praying I could keep Miles entertained long enough for the older two to have their fun. Miles ran over to the height chart and insisted on checking his growth since our last visit. To my surprise, this little toddler was exactly the right height to go in the big kid bounce house. He was so excited! The woman working there tried to warn me to have him wait until a few of the older kids got out. Clearly she does not know my son. There was no stopping him and he definitely held his own.

I was so excited at the new freedom we all had at the museum. But when I got home and was telling Josh about it, I felt a little sad. Thinking about Miles not being a little toddler anymore is definitely a hard pill to swallow. I know this is our last child and thinking about these kids all being out of the house definitely fills me with a sense of emptiness. It was just another reminder that I really need to focus hard on the moments of happiness and fun that we are all sharing this summer rather than letting a rough morning take over my mood for the day.

Lesson #70

The soothing quality of a storm is lost on a toddler

I can remember back to a time when a rain storm meant a perfect excuse to sleep in late or call in sick to work. When you are a stay at home mom, that is never an option. Now, instead of snuggling up in bed, listening to the calming sounds of thunder and rain, I get tortured by my kids.



After a long holiday weekend, I was really looking forward to a good night of sleep. That is not what happened. Looking to assert his independence, Miles decided to repeatedly climb out of his crib last night. I am pretty sure it all started with the storm. Something clearly woke him up. All I know is that this child popped out of his room and into the upstairs hallway a half dozen times between 1:15 and 2:30 in the morning. If that wasn't bad enough, Max waltzed in to announce he had an accident at 3:00. Once he realized it was storming, he did not want to go back to bed. Thirty minutes of visits to my room only prolonged my awake time. Fast forward to 5:00 am and Miles was out of bed again, ready to start the day. Ugh!!!! All I can do now is relish the fact that there is no more rain in the forecast until this weekend.

Lesson #69

Poop humor loses something when you are trying to potty train a toddler

Poop, plop, turd, poopy...any way you say it, the end result is the same. Kids reflexively giggle whenever potty talk is involved. There is nothing funnier to little kids than jokes involving poop. And thanks to a very thoughtful gift from one of my husband's co-workers, we are just rolling in poop humor these days. The kids could not believe their lick when they got "doody heads."

The clever little hats are topped with a brown swirl of cushioned poop. They thought it was pretty funny to wear the poop as a hat but even funnier to hide it around the house for me to find. No matter how many times they pull the trick, I am stall falling for it. This is mainly due to the fact that Miles has been known to not only poop in his underwear daily, but to even poop on the floor if he is going commando. This has been an issue since we started potty training a few weeks ago and has reached a new level of frustration thanks to this new prop.

Just this morning, I fell for it again. Max was frantically yelling for me to come downstairs because there was a huge poop on the carpet. Once again, I came racing into the room to find this stupid poop toy on the floor. Don't get me wrong, I was relieved not to have to pick up a disgusting mess. But I am pretty sure this new favorite toy is going to find itself disappearing very soon...permanently!

Lesson #67

Raising a grateful child

One thing that we have really been struggling with is how to teach our kids to appreciate what they have and not to take things for granted. I get so frustrated when my kids expect things to be handed to them and fail to recognize all that we do for them.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when I cook a meal and all three kids have nothing but negative comments for me. I never really thought a six-year-old could hurt my feelings. But I was wrong. It also kills me when they complain about not getting something they want. They are so fortunate and do not have the insight to see how blessed they are.

I was having a conversation with my sister-in-law over the weekend. It seems we are both struggling with the same issue. Between the disrespect and the back talking, it is hard to feel accomplished in parenting strategies. We didn't really come up with any solutions to the issue, but it helps to not feel so alone with the problem.

My husband and I try to point out opportunities for showing gratitude. We try to explain how other kids aren't as fortunate as they are and that it is always important to speak with respect. I am not sure that it is sinking in but I suppose all we can do is keep being consistent.

Lesson #68

There is such a thing as too much fun

This lesson goes against everything I have ever believed. If you are not having fun, why bother? That used to be my motto. But after a three-day-weekend of non-stop action, I am pretty sure that fun can really catch up with all of us!

It is not even 7:00 pm on Sunday and I am struggling to convince myself I can make it to bed time. I am EXHAUSTED!!!! The kids are feeling it too. We had a great weekend with family and friends but I think we are all ready for some down time. Disproving the notion that the kids might actually sleep past 6:00 am if they were up two hours past bed time, our kids managed to miss out on about 8 hours of normal sleep over the holiday weekend. Cranky doesn't even begin to describe the atmosphere around here. I am actually looking forward to Monday. 

Lesson #66

Family first

There is nothing I love more than when my brother and his family come in town to visit. The adults all get along great and the kids all love playing together. the ages all line up pretty well with Max and his cousin Jack at age 6 and the two youngest at the age of two. Zoey is right in the middle at four but she finds her place as one of the older ones.

Every time we get together, whether here or in Kansas City, we always have a blast. There are definitely some ups and downs, including physical altercations and hurt feelings. But overall, the kids really do great. It was so much fun this weekend reminiscing back to a time when we just had Max and Jack. They would fight and yell, arguing over toys, space on the couch and pretty much anything they could think of to dispute. It could be very trying at times when those boys would be together. As we sat around the pool, watching all five kids swim and play, it really sunk in how lucky we all are to have such a close family. Even with the shoving and face grabbing between Miles and Jensen, there is so much love between the cousins.

When the gang heads back to Kansas City tomorrow, it will be very sad for everyone. The house will be a little less messy, about half as loud and twice as lonely.

Lesson #65

Unplug and enjoy the scenery

I am one of those moms that try to monitor the amount of television, iPad and other electronics with great frustration. No matter what rules or structure I try to apply, someone is always begging to use one of our many technologic distractions. Even Miles knows how to use the iPad. He started getting the hang of it before he was even two-years-old. Now, it seems they all fight over which show to watch and who gets to use the iPad or Leap pad.

This week, the older two kids were at a morning camp. I wanted to go for a run outside as the weather was amazing. I decided to take the chance that Miles might actually tolerate me taking a run as he say in the jogging stroller. I left the house with everything I might need in case he got bored: Leap pad, two snacks, water and his toy crocodile. I was pleasantly surprised when I got well beyond the half way point without pulling out any of my tricks. He was content looking around and asking me about 100 questions. This was a challenge in itself as he always seemed to inquire about things just as we were tackling a hill. Despite being very winded, I thoroughly enjoyed the run. We stopped at the park on the way home and had a great time looking at the horses and running around on the playground together.

I worried that he would put up a fight about getting back into the stroller to go home. Instead, he asked if we could run back through the park to see the water fountain and horses before heading home. He was so happy just munching his snack on the way home that I felt we could have easily gone even longer. It ended up being a great morning for both of us!

I am glad I brought along reinforcements for the stroller run but I am so happy I did not have to use them. It reminded me that given the opportunity, kids can often surprise you. Miles was happy just taking in the scenery and relaxing as we jogged along.

Lesson #64

I am my own toughest critic

I don't think of myself as someone with poor self esteem. I do however have some perfectionistic tendencies that often result in some self-judgement. I know in my heart I am a good mom. I love my kids obviously but I also try every day to provide a loving, fun, educational environment. That being said, I don't usually feel like I have a handle on things.

On a typical day, I feel like I am merely managing chaos. I don't shy away from taking my kids out in public, despite how crazy they can act around others. It is always a toss up as to whether I will leave some place feeling utterly embarrassed.

I thought I was in pretty good shape yesterday as I took my two older kids to the grocery store. The two-year-old is usually a lose canon on this type of errand. I thought I had it made with Max and Zoey along to get supplies for an upcoming party.

The entire time we were in the store I was frazzled. They both kept bringing me items that we "must have" for the BBQ. Further, they were intentionally trying to out-silly the other one: silly voices, running up and down the aisles, playing hide and seek.

By the time we got up to the check out, I was at the end of my rope. They were all over the place. Mainly they were just acting silly but it was the last thing I needed trying to make sure we had remembered everything.

I started to apologize for how they were acting but the cashier wasn't having it. "They are just being kids. You can tell they come from a happy home and that is all that matters. "

When I stopped to think about these words, they really made me take a step back. They were just acting like kids. They were actually making a very boring errand into a fun outing. It was my own fear of how others might perceive their "out of control behavior" that had me feeling frustrated. Obviously there is a time and a place for this kind of behavior. All in all, I realize that I need to worry less about how others perceive my parenting and worry more about how I feel about the job I am doing.

Lesson #63

Appreciating the chaos

Anyone that has ever been to our house knows that it is not the most relaxing of atmospheres. The volume level is almost always well above average. Whether they are fighting or getting along well, everything seems to be done with a tremendous amount of noise here.

We were sitting around the dinner table last night trying to finish up our last bites. Zoey sat quietly in her seat, sipping her milk, as the boys reeked havoc. It is hard to describe exactly what they were doing. Imagine two Labrador puppies playing tug of war with a chew toy. Add in screaming and laughing and that might give you some idea. Nothing particularly bad was happening, but it was nothing short of chaos. We were both just waiting for someone to get hurt and for the laughter to turn into tears. I think the exhaustion from the day prevented me from trying very hard to deescalate the situation. Rather, I sat back and had to smile at the ridiculousness of it all. I looked at my husband and we both just shrugged our shoulders. He then made a comment about needing a vasectomy. We both just laughed and sat back as the craziness ensued.

As much as I complain about how insanely loud and intense things are here with three kids between 2-6 years old, I really know how lucky we are to have happy, healthy kids. They do love each other and are happiest when we are all together. I know that won't always be the case so I count my blessings.