Lesson #99
Death in the eyes of a four-year-old
I had to break my streak of writing these 365 life lessons for a very traumatic event. My brave mother-in-law lost her battle to leukemia last week. It has been a whirlwind of events that has left us all devastatingly empty in many ways. Cathy was a devoted Yia Yia to our three young kids and an amazing single mom. She touched so many people as a friend, brother, daughter and teacher over the past several years.
One of the hardest parts about losing someone so special is having them miss out on all of the important life events ahead for the ones left behind. This is especially true for our three kids. Max and Zoey are old enough to have memories that will last, but Miles is too young to be able to retain the memories he has of her now. It is heart breaking to know that they will not be able to keep making memories with her beyond this summer.
Telling the kids was tough. We knew that Max, at the age of six, would understand the best. He has definitely been somber and doesn't want to talk about it. Zoey on the other hand has been nothing but curios and emotionally expressive about hr loss since the moment we told her.
"Why did she have to go to Heaven?"
"Is she with God?"
"Did the angels take her to Heaven?"
"Did the angels come down and carry her there?"
"I know that she had to die because then more babies will be able to be born and come to earth."
"Will Yia Yia have a ghost body?"
"Now that she is my angel, what will her wings look like?"
"I don't want my Yia Yia to be dead! I want to go see her in Heaven!"
"I hate dying!"
"I don't ever want to die!"
These are just a handful of the questions and comments made by Zoey since the day of her visitation service. It is hard to imagine just how she visualizes it all but it is clear that she is trying to comprehend how death happens and what the notion of forever means. In some ways, the constant commentary and question asking is a total comfort. Just like her Yia Yia in so many ways, Zoey never stops talking. Her curiosity and inability to tone down her inner monologue are reminiscent of her Yia Yia. I know we will continue to see things in all three of the kids that will forever keep her memory with us.
In loving memory of Cathy Nadaud. The best mother-in-law a girl could ever ask for.
Death in the eyes of a four-year-old
I had to break my streak of writing these 365 life lessons for a very traumatic event. My brave mother-in-law lost her battle to leukemia last week. It has been a whirlwind of events that has left us all devastatingly empty in many ways. Cathy was a devoted Yia Yia to our three young kids and an amazing single mom. She touched so many people as a friend, brother, daughter and teacher over the past several years.
One of the hardest parts about losing someone so special is having them miss out on all of the important life events ahead for the ones left behind. This is especially true for our three kids. Max and Zoey are old enough to have memories that will last, but Miles is too young to be able to retain the memories he has of her now. It is heart breaking to know that they will not be able to keep making memories with her beyond this summer.
Telling the kids was tough. We knew that Max, at the age of six, would understand the best. He has definitely been somber and doesn't want to talk about it. Zoey on the other hand has been nothing but curios and emotionally expressive about hr loss since the moment we told her.
"Why did she have to go to Heaven?"
"Is she with God?"
"Did the angels take her to Heaven?"
"Did the angels come down and carry her there?"
"I know that she had to die because then more babies will be able to be born and come to earth."
"Will Yia Yia have a ghost body?"
"Now that she is my angel, what will her wings look like?"
"I don't want my Yia Yia to be dead! I want to go see her in Heaven!"
"I hate dying!"
"I don't ever want to die!"
These are just a handful of the questions and comments made by Zoey since the day of her visitation service. It is hard to imagine just how she visualizes it all but it is clear that she is trying to comprehend how death happens and what the notion of forever means. In some ways, the constant commentary and question asking is a total comfort. Just like her Yia Yia in so many ways, Zoey never stops talking. Her curiosity and inability to tone down her inner monologue are reminiscent of her Yia Yia. I know we will continue to see things in all three of the kids that will forever keep her memory with us.
In loving memory of Cathy Nadaud. The best mother-in-law a girl could ever ask for.
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