Lesson #60

Socialize like a six-year-old

I don't take a lot of social cues from my kids. In all honesty, I am usually embarrassed by their behavior in public settings. But when it comes to socializing with other kids, sometimes my kids really surprise me.

None of my kids are overly shy. This can be a good thing but also a detriment in some situations. This weekend, I really got to see how their extroverted personalities really shine through.

We went to Cincinnati to visit family and friends and to attend the Greek festival. We try to attend this event as often as possible and have been able to bring our kids along twice now. They were so excited to play carnival games and brave the rides. But I think the most fun they ended up having was with our friends' kids. They have met them a handful of times but the visits are few and far between. With all three of my kids, it took a matter of seconds to warm up to their friends, jumping right in as if they just saw each other last week.

Things got pretty crazy with a mix of sugar, toy guns and an extremely late bed time. The kids had the time of their lives and reflected on having the most fun playing with all of the kids.

I love seeing their social bravery and outgoing nature. It is so endearing to see them warm right up to others and to strengthen these relationships with ease.

Lesson #59

Fake it til you make it

When it comes to traveling, my kids generally do pretty well. Thanks to modern technology, there isn't much room for boredom on our trips. The kids are generally happy if there is a movie to watch. Miles is still in the napping phase and Zoey still does best with a nap. But napping and road tripping do not mesh well for Zoey. In order to get Miles to fall asleep, we had to turn off all technology. Zoey did not accept this easily. We pleaded with her to be quiet so Miles to fall asleep. After a range of loud and annoying antics, she finally decided to fake that she was sleeping. She had a sneaky smile on her face for a few minutes and then the unexpected happened. Not only did Miles fall asleep, Zoey did as well. She actually faked herself to sleep. What followed was the most peaceful hour of our five and a half hour trip to Cincinnati.

Lesson #58

Lower your expectations

I feel like I have learned this lesson time and again from my kids. There are good days and bad days as a stay at home mom. But when you are in the midst of a bad day, it is hard to keep that in perspective. All I can see is how crappy things are in the moment. Yesterday was definitely one of those days.

We had a great day of fun planned for the zoo. But it seemed like the odds were against me from the very start. I don't want to rehash it all again but things were just really rough from start to finish. The only real bright spot of the day was the company we had in the friends that met us there. I kept trying to turn things around and be positive. But some days it is just hard to make that switch.

Today, I didn't really have a solid plan from the start. We kind of just made things up as we went along. We started out at the gym so I could at least recharge myself and have the kids play in the child care center. From there, we ran to Target to get a few things. I told the kids they could each get a small set of Pokemon cards. They were totally entertained with those during the shopping. I don't think I had to raise my voice once. Off to Myseum to play and explore from there. Despite the annoyingly loud and chaotic environment, courtesy of a local summer camp, the kids did great! They actually listened to my rule about all staying together. They rarely bickered and all seemed to have fun. We only had one minor tantrum from Zoey, That was a vast improvement from the multiple fits she threw yesterday.

We headed out, without any arguments or crying, and met my sister for lunch. They all ate well and were very well behaved. Ahhhhhh! Home for workbook time and then to naps. Again, no protesting the work time or the napping. I look back at why I am in such a good mood and realize I had very low expectations for the day. It has really made the difference.

Now we just have to get through dinner and hockey practice while dad is at a work meeting tonight. I think I can do it!

Lesson #57

A cure for crabbiness?

My lesson for today is accepting the fact that there might not be a cure for crabbiness. Some days distraction works out pretty well for me but then there are days when I have to resign myself to the fact that the crabbiness isn't going anywhere.

I recently read a post about kids complaining of boredom just weeks into the long summer. This really resonated with me as the mom of three young kids. I try to plan fun outings even when I know that the reward won't necessarily outweigh the effort. With all of the work that I put into entertaining these kids, you would think that I wouldn't have to worry about anyone getting bored. But there always seems to be something to complain about!

I planned a trip to the zoo this morning with a friend of mine. She also has three kids so we always enjoy commiserating over the daily challenges. It seemed like I was destined for failure from the time we all gout up this morning. If it wasn't one kid whining, it was two. Hungry, bored, tired of walking, someone kicked me, I can't see, I'm hot, it is too sunny, it smells in here, I want to ride in the stoller, I want to walk...you name it, they complained about it. Nothing I seemed to try made any difference in the crabbiness level.

It is now 1:30 and the only reason no one is currently whining is the fact that two are sleeping and one has a friend over playing. I know it is only temporary but can only hope that a little rest and a break from one another will curb the crabby for a while.

Lesson #56

If a boy pees in a public parking lot and nobody is there to see it....

When it comes to potty training, my patience is really starting to fade. I am not sure if it is laziness or just the fact that I am wearing thin with the third kid, but I am so over it! Countless trips to the bathroom, usually at meal time, often with no results, have left me feeling defeated. Add in the countless pair of underwear tossed in the garbage after pooping incidents and I am at the end of my rope.

Today, we were leaving the gym to go to the mall for some book shopping. I was  already frazzled after trying to heard all three through the busy workout area as each of them ran in different directions, jumping over a variety of exercise machines. We made it to the car with plenty of fighting and even a little kicking. Everyone was buckled in. As soon as my butt hit the seat, Miles told me he had to go potty. There was no way in hell I was going to walk him back through the gym, along with the other two, just to watch him not go pee. But I also knew that it would be at least twenty minutes before he could use a bathroom at the mall.

I didn't think twice before pulling him out of his seat, walking him around to the front of my car, and pulling his pants down. There wasn't anyone around and there was a row of trees right in front of my car. Apparently he appreciated the novelty of outdoor urination. Just seconds later, his bladder was empty and we were off to the mall. Not my proudest parenting moment but I did feel victorious about the outcome.

Lesson #55

Choose your words wisely

As parents, we all hope to pass down our best characteristics to our kids. There are certain things about myself and my husband that I have enjoyed seeing come through in each of out three children. Max's expressive nature, Zoey's social personality and Mile's independent streak. But there are also things that I hope do not trickle down to the next generation.

I have always know that I have a Type A personality and a perfectionistic nature. I don't like things to be good enough. This has been beneficial to me in some aspects but also a detriment. I have recently started seeing hints of this in Zoey's personality. Today, was a very eye opening experience and I am really at a loss for how to address it.

We were doing a few pages in a preschool workbook before nap time. She was working on tracing letters. She was using a pencil and immediately became anxious and upset at the first tiny stray off of the line. I showed her how to use the eraser hoping her mind would be at ease. I think this only made things worse. Every time she even started going off course, she became very upset and wanted to erase it all and start over. The first letter that she did very well, I commented that is was perfect. As soon as I said the word, I wanted to take it back. I don't want her to ever think that perfect is the only acceptable end result. I tried to be encouraging and positive during the 20 minute activity but she made it very difficult. She was actually crying and yelling that she couldn't do it right.

I am not sure what lesson I learned here other than the fact that I need to be sensitive to her growing drive to do things perfectly. I know that even at the age of four, she is starting to develop her own sense of self and that her perception can at least partly be molded by me as a mom. I know how important it is going to be to choose my words carefully with her. She is very sensitive and is already demonstrating a people pleasing tendency.

Lesson #54

Easier isn't always better

Last night marked a momentous occasion. Max had his very first sleepover. This has been the topic of conversation for the past week. He has been begging for a sleepover ever since the first week of kindergarten. The opportunity finally presented itself on Saturday as he was invited over to the house of one of his school friends. I am not going to pretend I was nervous or sad to be missing him. I was very much looking forward to be one kid down on a Saturday afternoon, evening and Sunday morning!

Max came home today very excited and sleep deprived. The boys had a blast and Max was sad to be home. He actually told me our house was boring. I almost took it personally considering the daily outings we make to do kid centered activities. But I know it was just a reflection of what a great time he had.

Saturday late afternoon was very quiet with just Zoey and Miles. Bed time at 7:30 meant almost and extra hour of adult time at the end of the night. Josh worked this morning so I jumped at the chance to drag just two children along to our favorite breakfast spot. When Max rolled in at 11 am, the house immediately changed tones. The volume level tripled and chaos ensued. Today was more challenging, filled with tattling, bickering and physical altercations.

Was it easier having a house with the two "quiet kids" for 21 hours? Absolutely! But it was also incomplete. Zoey asked repeatedly when Max would be home and Miles asked more than once where he was and why he wasn't with us. As much as they pretend to hate each other, they definitely are happier overall when the family is all together. And I feel the same.