Lesson #83

Just add water

Toddlers are pretty simple creatures. Sure, all of the interactive toys, battery operated cars and talking robots serve their purpose. There are so many educational and fun options for entertainment. But when it comes down to it, toddlers don't need to much to entertain themselves.

Today, after a hectic morning of car troubles, I was happy to arrive at a friend's house for a low-key play date. She had the best set up! In addition to a wading pool filled with toys, she had an impressive hose with spray feature. I know, super high-tech gadgets! As far as the kids were concerned, nothing could have been better. They were so happy to splash, run and pour that the three adults managed to converse in full sentences about actual adult topics! I thought this might be a mythical kind of play date experience. I had heard about such occurrences, yet never really participated in one.

It ended up being the best morning! Some nice iced tea, a few healthy snacks and some wet kids. And all we needed to do was add the water!

Lesson #82

This kid is tough as nails!

Having a boy as our third child, I think we kind of expected that this kid would be naturally tough. His older brother is the definition of rough and tumble. And although his sister isn't exactly a bruiser, she dishes out her share of blows when feeling threatened or annoyed.

Miles has been a fighter from the start. Arriving into the world 7 weeks early, he had to overcome a few hurdles from the get go. Over the past 2 1/2 years, this little man has endured more injuries than Max and Zoey combined. He has broken a leg, gotten stitches and sported many a goose egg on his forehead. I am not sure if it is a result of being the third child or just his accident prone nature. He is definitely very daring and will try to do things his older siblings do well before he should be doing them.

Yesterday marked yet another milestone injury for our brave little guy. Outside saying goodbye to family friends, I didn't bother to throw a pair of shoes on the kids. We were just popping out and heading back in. Well, in the short three minutes we were outside, Miles managed to step on a huge nail sticking straight up out of a board. Apparently, Max had hammered it through last week and failed to tell me. Over an inch of nail was exposed so it was definitely a painful incident.

There was a lot of crying, many tears and more blood that I have ever seen come out of one of my kids. I eventually brought the bleeding to a stop and applied a band aid. He went to sleep shortly after so fortunately, it was forgotten for a while. He was a little tender-footed for the first few hours of the day today but was back to running by 11:00 am. Nothing is going to slow this kid down. I only wish I had his tolerance for pain!

Lesson #81

Be the mom you want them to remember

Every mom would love to be the "cool mom." Wouldn't it be great to be the mom that all of the kids rave about? The fun mom. They best mom ever. The mom that kids wants to actually hang out with in their free time. I would love to be all of those things to my kids. The reality is, however, that in order to be the best mom for my kids, I have to be the mean mom at times. The no fair mom. The mom that doesn't understand.

I don't live in a fantasy world so I know that there is a balance. When I really think about the kind of mom I want to be, I think about what I want my kids to remember of me when they are adults. It is not possible to be the best mom all of the time but I can live my life as a parent trying to keep that thought in the back of my mind.

When my kids are raising kids of their own, I want them to think about how I raised them. In short, I want to be a role model for my future adult children.

I want them to look back and remember all of the fun adventures we had, not the toys I bought.
I want them to remember splashing in mud puddles and getting filthy, me right alongside them.
I want them to remember us having dance parties on top of the picnic table, belting out the Rolling Stones.
I want them to remember feeding baby goats with bottles. Them climbing my legs in terror as I was bumrushed by the thirsty, filthy little goats.
I want them to remember us all screaming on Space Mountain as I closed my eyes and held on for dear life.
I want them to remember staying up late and licking marshmallow and chocolate off our fingers after making s'mores.
I want them to remember night swimming in lieu of a bath.
I want them to remember me reading book after book, stopping every 8 seconds to answer questions about the lineage of Snow White.
I want them to remember us rolling down the hill, dashing through sprinklers in the neighbor's yard.
I want them to remember eating birthday cake before dinner.
I want them to remember us chasing the ice cream truck down in our bare feet.
I want them to remember shaving cream parties in the back yard and water balloon fights.
I want them to remember shooting me with water guns.
I want them to remember our pirate attacks and princess rescue missions.
I want them to remember us dressing up like ninjas and ballerinas, building forts in the basement.
I want them to remember catching fireflies way past bed time.
I want them to remember us snuggling in my bed at 5:30 in the morning, watching cartoons on a Saturday morning.
I want them to remember me teaching them to ride their bikes.
I want them to remember me teaching them letters and numbers with sidewalk chalk.
I want them to remember me kissing away their scrapes and bruises and breaking up their fights. 

More than anything I want them to remember me as a mom that loved them every single day of their lives. A mom that never stopped loving them even on the days that I wanted to be alone, to hide in my room, to cry out of frustration, to need a time out.

Being a mom is my full-time job. I love the job but sometimes need a vacation day. I know that when my kids are grown or even at the age when mom is definitely not cool at all, I will absolutely miss these days. What I can do now, is live each day with purpose and strive to be the mom I always want them to remember.

Lesson #80

Worst of enemies and best of friends

I know from personal experience that sibling rivalry can get pretty messy. But I also know that these relationships, the longest many people will experience, are the best ones I have. I have a brother about 1 1/2 years my elder and a sister almost four years younger. Presently, I have extremely close and amazing bonds with them both. But I venture to guess that my parents might have a different tale to tell about our childhood days.

I always wanted to have my kids close together in age. I know this comes from my own experience as a kid and wanting my offspring to have siblings within a few years. My plan worked out just perfectly. The only problem is that the closeness in age is at times a detriment rather than an advantage.

Stuck in the middle of two spirited boys, Zoey often feels out of place and left out. She struggles to find her place between them, yearning to do all big brother does. She gets frustrated by the mere presence of her younger sibling. They bicker all day long and at times, things can get physical. But there are also those shining moments when they do something so heart warming, I almost forget about all of the rough spots.

Today, I went to Zoey's Perfectly Powerful Princess camp to watch their play. Max was down the hall at his School of Rock camp and popped in to watch. Zoey lit up when she saw him walk in. She couldn't hide her excitement as she waved frantically from the side of the stage. Max coyly smiled back and waved.

After the performance was over, I asked Max how he was able to get out of his camp to come watch. He told me he had the choice to come watch their show or to have his face painted like a rock star. Anyone that knows my son knows that he loves nothing more than a good piece of face art. I was so touched by his gesture to come support his little sister. But even more important was how much it mean to Zoey.

Lesson #79

I'm not the only coach on this team

As a full-time stay at home mom, I recognize my role as the head cook, caregiver, camp counselor, referee and teacher. I take this job seriously as it is the most challenging and rewarding career I have ever held. There are many roles to play and lots of juggling to do. My husband is amazing and is a great father and provider. I am lucky to have his support. But the demands of his job often prevent him from helping out with things at home. Evening dinners and meetings tend to interfere with my plans for shuttling the kids around to their various sports.

Anyone who knows me well is aware of my dislike for dragging all three kids to hockey practice. It is great fun for Max but less than entertaining for his younger siblings. Despite the cold of the rink, I am usually sweating by the time Max is all suited up for his practice. I am usually running from tying laces to grab Miles before he runs out of the door or picks up someone's stick to whack an unassuming bystander. Beyond getting ready for practice, there is the exhausting attempts at keeping Miles and Zoey busy until it is over. Snacks and electronics only go so far and I really hate resorting to having them watch videos the entire time.

Tonight was going to be one of those nights that I dread. Josh has a work dinner, same as last night. I have been thinking about getting past this night all week! But to my surprise, today at lunch, my whole mood lifted with a few simple words. "I can take Max to hockey tonight. I will just be a little late to my meeting. I don't care."

You would have thought my husband just told me we were going on a vacation or something. I was elated! My face lit up and I could not stop thanking him. I told him, "I owe you!"

But as soon as the words came out of my mouth, he reminded me. "We are on a team. It is no big deal."

How do I fail to see this sometimes? I get to used to adapting to his schedule that I often forget to ask for help with these tings. We ARE on a team. I don't need to feel indebted to my spouse for taking our child to hockey practice. It was such a good feeling.

Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful for his offer to go late to the meeting. I told him that this announcement made my whole week! But more importantly was the recognition of all that I do and him reminding me that I am not ever in this parenting alone.

Lesson #78

Don't assume the worst

I am definitely my kids' biggest fan. I like to cheer them on and take the approach of "catch them doing good." It can be so easy tp harp on all of the things they are doing wrong throughout the day because I like to correct negative behavior right as it is happening. Therefore, offering praise every time I find the opportunity tends to offset all of the corrections I have to make on any given day. I try not to be critical but some days it is harder than others to find the good in all of the tantrums, fights and back talk.

Yesterday, I felt like all I did was repeat myself without results. Getting out the door in time for camp was a stretch and I felt exhausted by the time my butt his the car seat. I felt defeated and frustrated by all three of my kids. I was still a little uneasy from my encounter with Max's camp instructor from the day before. Her first interaction with him included his illustration of machine guns. Not the best first impression to make.

When I went to pick him up at the end of the morning session, I was a little anxious to hear how the day went. I know Max is a sweet, intelligent boy. But I also know his precocious nature and argumentative personality is not well received. I asked him how his day went and his sheepish smile immediately sent up red flags. I asked him if anything happened and he looked down telling me, "no."

I immediately jumped to the conclusion that his behavior wasn't up to par. I asked him to walk over to the teacher to sign him out. I braced myself for what she might say. I asked how the day went and she said, "Max is such a sweet boy."

Max's mouth turned up slightly with her compliment. She went on to tell me about his affinity for abstract thought and a conversation they had. She was so impressed by the way his mind was processing information in the context of a metaphor he shared. I felt so proud and so upset with myself at the same time. Here I was expecting bad news when all she had to offer was praise. It taught me to try to be more positive and to give my kids more credit than I do at times.

Lesson #77
Swapping guns for guitars

As the mother of two young boys, I face a dilemma that I am sure a lot of moms face. How do we raise children in this violent society? Everywhere you turn there are stories of shootings, war and destruction. Many toys and games capitalize on violence, making it exciting and appealing to children.

When I was a kid, I vividly remember not being allowed to have a variety of toys in our house. As a girl, that focus was on Barbie and for my brother, G.I. Joe and guns. (The Barbie boycott is a whole other issue. Maybe I will address that in a separate post.)

I recall my parents actively avoiding any violent toys and shows on television. We definitely felt slighted as kids but as an adult, I totally appreciate their goal. Now that I have three kids of my own, I want to mirror the same intentions of my own parents. It seems this challenge is even greater now with access kids have via Youtube, video games, etc.

Even since my six-year-old was born, I swore we would not have toy guns in our house. We did not allow him to watch television other than Disney Jr. and PBS for several years. But as he got older, this became increasingly difficult. Ignorance was bliss. He did not know what he was missing. But it all went to hell when he got his first toy gun as a gift. Even with that, I eventually got rid of it secretly and he forgot. But now that he is six, he is relentless! He wants to save his money to buy Nerf guns, ninja paraphernalia, and weapons in general.

We have collected a few violent toys over the past year, despite my feeble protests. It is completely my fault for not sticking to my guns so to speak. I have let my kids take advantage of me and have given into their requests and relentless begging. I take full responsibility. But how do I back track from here? I want to purge the house from all of this crap but I know there is a high price.

Max just started a new camp this week called School of Rock. He was a little hesitant because he was nervous about performing in front of others. But he has really been thriving in the camp. The first day, during free time, he drew a few pictures. They were really quite good except for one small problem. One of them seemed to depict two men shooting each other with machine guns. The teacher pulled me aside and explained that this is not allowed. I was embarrassed. I wanted to pretend that we do not in any way allow for that in our house but I knew I would be lying in front of my kid. This really started me thinking about how to cut out some of the violent influence in our house.

Today after camp, the teacher was telling me how well he is doing and how he has a natural talent for music. At lunch, I asked Max which was cooler, guitars or guns. To my surprise, he said guns. I see there is hope for my cause yet! If only we can swap out the weapons for music. I am cautiously optimistic!