Lesson #53

Ignorance is bliss

I dread taking the kids to see the Dr. for a variety of reasons. Yesterday, I was specifically dreading the trip because I assumed Zoey would be getting shots. I vividly remember when Max got his last round of shots. You might have thought they amputated his arm. I didn't mention it to Zoey because I didn't want to deal with any sort of meltdown.

Aside from four trips to the bathroom with Miles, one load of poop in his underpants, the visit was going pretty well. I let the nurse bring up the pending shots. To my utter surprise, Zoey did not melt down. Not only did she not freak out, she actually smiled, held her arms high and yelled, "shots! Yay!"

I'm not sure what the excitement was all about but I went with it. I cheered right along with her. I knew they joy would fade when the first blow was delivered but by that time, we were 30% done! By shot number two she was not happy. But the nurse snuck in the third before she could jump down from the table. This girl did not shed a single tear! Of course we have been hearing about her sore arms for the past 24 hours but otherwise, a totally victory for all!!!

Lesson #52

Appreciating a different kind of fun

When I look back at my college days, there is no doubt those were some of the best times of my life. I had a lot of fun and formed some amazing friendships that are still some of the closest I have. No matter the situation, we always seemed to be having the most fun of anyone else around. Whether frequenting a local bar, hitting a concert or just grabbing a study break from the library, there never seemed to be a dull moment.

Due to the fact that I went to college here and St. Louis, it is easy to be reminded of those days when visiting a familiar venue or reminiscing with college friends still living in the area. Last night was one of those times. A group of my college friends decided to take our kids to see Circus Flora down near our old campus. A genius idea emerged to take our kids to eat at a favorite college bar and grill. We all piled in at a long table. With seven kids between us, I am sure we drew plenty of looks. The meal was loud and chaotic with plenty of spills and trips to the bathroom. This was somewhat reminiscent of how it would look in the glory days, but with a whole new twist.

As we walked out of Humphrey's, trying to wrangle our herd to the cars, one friend commented on the "different kind of fun" we have these days. She said, "If you would have told the college me that in fourteen years we would all be back at this bar with our crazy kids, heading for a night out at the circus, I would have laughed in your face."

We pretty much all felt the same. But as I looked at my three kids, shoving puffs of cotton candy in there mouths, staring wide eyed at the trapeze artist, I realized how much fun this new life is. I still love a good night out on the town with not a kid in sight, but I also relish in their joy on a daily basis. It is fun to witness the fun they are having. I could never have imagined what that would feel like as a 21 year-old. But at the ripe old age of 36, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Lesson #51

Guilt is a very powerful thing

I am no stranger to orchestrating my share of guilt trips. Not to be sexist, but I feel that it is a very powerful tool to employ as a female. Not the best way to get what you want but it does serve its purpose from time to time. I am pretty good at serving it up but am not great on the other side of things. I hate feeling guilty and am pretty quick to cave in to people. I guess it comes from my deep rooted issue of wanting to be liked by others.

I am quickly learning that the ultimate guilt trippers are my own kiddos. I guess I should have expected this as they have been learning from a master for the past few years. I don't normally try to guilt them into doing things but I am sure they have seen me work my magic with their own dad. Cutting to the chase...I was put on the ultimate guilt trip this morning by Max and Zoey. It was not a good feeling.

The kids are wrapping up their two-week camp tomorrow. They have been doing daily swimming lessons in addition to a number of other fun activities. We were informed on Monday that the kids would be doing a little swimming performance on Thursday for parents to watch if available. The logistics of the scheduling put a 90 minute window on their 5 minute performances. Anyone who knows Miles knows that expecting him to stay by my side at an indoor pool for 90 minutes would not go well. I decided it would not be in my best interest to attempt this. once I broke the news to the kids, they were nothing short of devastated. You would have thought I told them I was skipping out on graduation or their birthday party. There were tears shed, lots of moping around and even the silent treatment. I must admit, well-played by both kids indeed.

Max fortunately did some problem solving and suggested that one of the other kids' parents could video and email it to me. Genius! I thought this would get me off the hook completely but I still heard the disappointment the entire drive to camp.

I am not exactly sure what the lesson was in this whole scenario other than the fact that I need to prepare myself for how to deal with such guilt trips in the future. Those teenage years are going to be the death of me!

Lesson #50

Take nothing for granted...even the annoying things that drive you up the wall.

I love my kids more than anything. But there are definitely days when I want to pull my hair out and run screaming from the room before 9:00 am. I have little patience for tattling and bickering over ridiculous things. This morning was one of those days that I wanted to walk out and have someone else deal with my kids. I did not have that luxury today however.

My day did take a turn for the better by lunch time. I felt pretty good and was not as annoyed as earlier in the morning. I then talked to my mother-in-law who is battling leukemia yet again and really struggling. Hearing her talk about wanting nothing more than to have more time with her grand kids really struck me. Of all the people she has in her life and all of the wonderful places to go things to see now that she is retired, she desperately wants to see our three kids grow up a little more.

We got off the phone and I have not been able to stop thinking about our conversation. All of the moments throughout the day that I fantasize about time alone and having a quiet house are times that I am sure she would give anything to have. My most frustrating and annoying day would probably be one she would find fun and life affirming. I would love more than anything to have her perspective on life and family. I learn a lot from my kids but I also continue to learn so much from this amazing woman. I pray that she has years left with us and the kids. I know that they too have so much to learn from her.

Lesson #49

Follow their lead

I love taking my three kids out to do things when we have a free day. Let me clarify, it is not that I always love taking them places, just that I love being out of the house where the chaos level seems to decrease. I usually have all three of them now that summer break is in full swing. Today, I just had Miles and felt very relaxed about our outing to a kids' science museum. This place is normally seriously stressful. When I have all three, it is extremely rough keeping them all together and not feeling like someone is missing. With just Miles, I only had to keep track of one!

I found myself falling into my normal habits of steering exploration. Usually with Miles, I am trying to coerce him to stay in a confined space or trying to keep him from running off. I found myself trying to do this today. But with only one kiddo to monitor, I reminded myself to let him lead the way. It was a real eye opener to see what types of activities he is drawn to. I always thought he loved the veterinary area but now think that was more about where I tried to lead him. He was very interested in building and in experimenting with shadows. I know I don't always have the luxury of letting my kids take the lead. In most cases, this wouldn't even be a safe idea. But when the opportunity arises, I will definitely try to take advantage from now on.

Lesson #48

Dance like a toddler and act like no one is watching

I have been taking my kids to Music Together for over four years now. We started in Baltimore with Max and I now take Miles and Zoey here in St. Louis. they really love it and it is normally a pretty easy form of entertainment for the kids. Today, I just had Miles there because Zoey is doing a little camp. Normally, Miles clings to me, wanting to sit on my lap, hold my hand or be held during all of the songs. But today, one of our friends brought their 6-year-old son whom Miles adores. It was actually really nice because Miles just wanted to sit with this boy the whole time. But when it cam time for the freestyle dance portion, I found it super awkward. Miles usually insists that I hold him or at least hold his hands while he just jumps around. Busy with is older pal, my dance partner left my flying solo for a very uncomfortable rendition of the B 52's Rock Lobster. Don't get me wrong, I love to dance. Take me to a wedding or a night out with friends at a bar and I would be happy to tear it up all night long. But there is something a little different about toddler time at the neighborhood Jewish school. There are no cocktails or popular hip hop song to belt out with my girlfriends. I could not wait for the song to end this morning. But I decided to just embrace the discomfort and do the obligatory foot shuffle while all of the other kids danced with their moms. It wasn't enjoyable, but hopefully a little less awkward looking than if I had just stood there while everyone else danced.

                                                I dance much better with a great partner!

Lesson #47

The laundry will still be there tomorrow

There is nothing more exhausting than traveling all day after a late night out only to come home to four loads of clean laundry to fold and put away. I love vacation but it is always hard knowing what awaits me back in the kingdom of stay-at-home-mommy land.

I was so excited to get back to the kids today after four days away. They welcomed us with big hugs and numerous tales of adventure and mayhem under the watchful eye of a babysitter. They of course wanted to hit the pool, the park and dinner, eager to make up for lost time. I felt the laundry calling me from the mud room. "Fold me. Sort me. Put me away before I multiply!"

As much as my type A personality was screaming for a task oriented afternoon, my kids were gleefully begging for love and attention. It killed me to think about doing all of that laundry after they all went to bed. I had a date in mind with my couch, "Game of Thrones" and Thai delivery. But I knew that the laundry would be here tomorrow. I knew my kids would be so happy to get some quality time. I knew I wouldn't regret the time spent tomorrow.