Lesson #106

Mourning in the right way

When my mother-in-law passed away two weeks ago, the last thing I was thinking about was writing my blog or posting things on Facebook. We have all been so sad and it has been hard enough to get back into the  normal swing of things. My husband suggested that in respect of the mourning process, that I refrain from posting things on Facebook. I agreed and haven't felt like doing much of that anyway.

But this week, my grandmother-in-law requested that I get back to my regular practice of social media. Now that her daughter is gone, she needs family more than ever. The fact that we live almost six hours away makes it difficult for us to see her very often. She reminded me how much that relatives love seeing photos of the kids and that it brings some tiny piece of joy into their lives during this difficult time.

Once I really thought about it, it all made sense. I was afraid of posting pictures that might suggest we were going about our normal happy lives, not taking the time to mourn our loss properly. But realistically, I have had to go about with our normal lives to a certain degree just to make things easy for the kids. We have been doing our fun day outings and are now back to school. It is possible to mourn and to find enjoyment in life, especially through our kids. I know it is part of my responsibility to help keep the family united in any way I can...even if that means just posting pictures on Facebook.

Lesson #106

Never take the big (or small) moments for granted

One of the hardest things about losing a loved one is knowing that they will be missing out on so many important moments. We knew that our kids would be losing a grandmother in the next few years. She had been bravely battling leukemia almost since our oldest son was born. We tried to live life making the most of major milestones. She lived for her three grand kids so it was always important to her to be here for their major events.

Today I got a reminder about how hard it will be to experience big life events form this point forward, knowing how much she would have loved them. I received a call from the school that our DVD of kindergarten graduation from last spring is ready to be picked up. My mom and sister were able to attend but Josh's mom could not come. I really wanted the DVD for her to see as it was so hard for her to miss out. I tried to get it at the end of the year but the office was closed by the time I made it by. When I got the call today, I got choked up and felt so frustrated with myself for not getting it sooner. She really would have loved to see this big day in Max's life.

There is nothing I can do about it now but it is a good reminder of how I need to live for those moments. I don't want to have any regrets and I don't ever want to feel like I missed out on anything important. I also know that it is up to me to share these moments with those people who love and cherish our kids.

Lesson #105

The joy of a little one on one time

This summer meant a lot of together time for the kiddos and myself. It seemed like the kids were either all at camp or all home with me. We didn't have a lot of opportunity for one on one time.

Yesterday marked the first day back at school. Just a half day for Zoey but Max was there all day. Today left me with my little sidekick for the morning and afternoon. I had forgotten how easy it is to have just one kid at a time! We had so much fun together even though we didn't do much at all.

A part of me feels a little sad that these moments are mainly reserved for Miles now that the older two are in school full-time. but it definitely reminds me to relish my alone time with him and to try to make more opportunities to have this special time with each of the other kids when it is possible.

Lesson #104

Too crazy to cry

Today might have been a pretty emotional day for me. My only little girl started her first day of Junior Kindergarten! She went from her three morning per week preschool to starting a five, full day program. This is a huge shift for her and a major adjustment for me. I have had this little girl home with me for most of the time over the past four and a half years. I have been feeling sad leading up to this day.

But when the time came for drop off, I found that there was no time for any sort of emotional reaction. Somehow, I misjudged when I would need to get everyone moving this morning. I felt very rushed and flustered, trying to get everyone ready to head out. By the time we got there, I was pretty much sweating!

It was all I could do to keep from losing Miles in the swarms of families all trying to find their rooms and snap those first day of school photos. Once I got Max all settled in first grade, I rushed Zoey to her room. We walked in and she ran straight to her old friend from Preschool. She was so happy to see her buddy Remy and to explore the room. I snapped a few pictures and that was about all Zoey could be bothered to do. She was all set!

It wasn't until I was walking out that I even thought about the fact that I didn't tear up or have some emotional moment. It was just too crazy all morning to even register what was going on. But then again, there is always tomorrow!

Lesson #103

Summer takes on a whole new meaning when you have kids

I remember the feeling of sadness mixed with a little tiny bit of excitement as my summers ended as a child. Summer was the time of little responsibility, lots of laziness and sleeping in late. I was always a little bit excited to get back to school for the social aspect but never wanted to see the summer end.

Now that I have kids of my own, I have a myriad of feelings about the school year starting back up again. As much as I love spending time with them, visiting all of the fun St. Louis spots, I am really craving my alone time. In addition, I have so many projects that have taken a back seat over the busy summer months.

There is an even bigger part of me that is feeling really sad about two of my three kids being in school all day, five days a week. I am not sure where the time has gone. I feel like I have gotten used to it with Max as he did this last year. But thinking of Zoey, my only girl, being gone from me for the better part of the week, is just too much. I am going to miss having her around so much.

Miles will be back at his toddler program just two mornings each week. I will miss him too obviously but will still get a good chunk of one on one time with him.

Tomorrow will definitely be bringing some tears from me. But I know in a few weeks, I will adjust. We will be full into the swing of the school year and I will be just fine!

Lesson #102

Sometimes it is better to just lay low

When it comes to entertaining the kids, I am not a homebody. I get pretty stir crazy if we are all cooped up for more than a few hours. I feel like things get really loud and chaotic if we are left to our own devices for any amount of time. For that reason, I typically plan a morning outing and either play outside in the afternoon or hit up a park.

This rainy weekend really put a crimp in my plans. We stayed busy yesterday but this morning I was at a loss for what to do. Sunday morning is always a challenging time to find good activities for the kids. We ended up staying home for lack of any real good ideas. But we ended up doing a LOT of reading, fort building, some physical altercations ending in tears and timeout, some cleaning and some good old fashioned play dough creating.

i had not thought to get pay dough out for months! For the longest time, it was out of the rotation due to Miles' inability to use it appropriately. But it was a life saver today! The kids played peacefully for 40 minutes. We all sat together creating some really fun sculptures including a princess, Minecraft diorama and a variety of food products.

We ended up having a great morning. It serves as a reminder to me that we don't have to plan the weekend to death all of  the time.

Lesson #101

Know when to ask for help

I am used to staying home with the three kids. I work as an entertainer, chauffer, referee, cook, therapist, teacher and hug provider. I do my job all week long and look forward to the weekend when I will have reinforcements from my husband. But from time to time, I am left on my own to tackle a weekend of activity by myself.

Heading back to Cincinnati to help go through his mother's home, my husband will be gone all weekend. I know we all have a part to play in the process of sorting things out now that she has passed away. As a single mom of one child, my mother-in-law accumulated 33 years of memories and belongings in her three-bedroom condo. What results is the need for lots of help to go through all of these years of possessions.

I was totally fine with taking my role of handling the kids here at home so others can do work back in Cinci. But as this week rambled on, I felt myself losing steam. I haven't been feeling the greatest and I am still pretty emotionally drained. I thought about asking my parents to come in town to help but decided I would save that help for another time.

Fortunately, my parents took matters into their own hands and made plans to come give me some assistance. As I struggled through today with the crabby, bickering, back-talking kids, I felt so grateful for my pending aid. As I look at the three of them now, on each others last nerves, I am so glad that I accepted the offer for help. Even though I know I could make it through the weekend as a solo act, it will certainly be a lot easier having a team on my side.